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| As junior year winds down to the last few weeks, I've come to realize there have been a lot of changes. Change can be good, but I can honestly say it's not something that is easy to go through. Losing friends, making new ones, that's just the way life goes. C'est la vie. It's just hard to think that the person you really thought was going to be there for you, isn't really there anymore. I'm happy for the friends I have, and extremely grateful. There are just some issues with security that I can never get over that prevents me from really getting close to them. I mean, yeah, I still have a handful of friends who I know I can always count on, but it's really hard to trust them with everything I have. It has nothing to do with them or who they are cause it's really all on my part. I just can't seem to open up. With family, I have no issue with just cause they are the ones that know me the best. Other people...that's what I'm really afraid of. I'm envious of the people who can open up to people so easily without hesitation. They can trust people, not too easily, but eventually. To this day, I only have a certain few who I can really trust outside of my family. And by certain few, I mean maybe at most, 5. It sucks to be so skeptical, but what can you do? I'm just afraid to be stabbed in the back. Life is hard, but it goes on. What doesn't kill me only makes me stronger. That's what I like to think at least. Hopefully some day, I'll get over this skepticism, but I don't see it going anywhere as of now.
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| what a great night. :] last night i went to NYC with my brother and we went to this AMAZING concert at webster hall. the headliner was the gaslight anthem :D
i haven't been to one of my "indie" concerts in SOO long. i'd say...since 2 augusts ago. yeah, the last one i went to was ace enders in hoboken. well, hopefully that'll all change. i can't believe how amazing the show was last night. as soon as i entered the venue, i got this vibe of feeling right at home. i didn't feel weird that i knew no one in this place, even when my brother left me to get some drinks. someone even screamed in my ear and i flinched, and the girl in front of me started laughing at me but i laughed along with her cause it didn't matter. being at a concert as personable as that one just makes me feel amazing. there's a rush of excitement, but at the same time, i have a sense of tranquility. the band was GREAT live, i expected nothing less. they sound just like they sound on the CD. there was a mosh pit going on (of course) but i was in the section where there was none of that going on xD
the crowd was great, the band was phenominal, and the night out in the city afterwards was really fun. :]
finding a creperie in the middle of the village came in close second to the concert. haha it was pretty awesome, my smore crepe, that is. :D
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| Helloooo there. :]
so today, i'm extremely nervous about something. it's pretty big, especially since i never really expected to take this further in life. well, today, i have my first REAL photoshoot. it's really nerve wracking since all my life, i've always loved to take pictures. ever since i knew what a camera could do, there's nothing more fulfilling to me than capturing beautiful photos of people, things, and places. i've gotten so much support from my friends about this, and i'm so glad to have them all. when i first told my dad about this gig, he was EXTREMELY excited for me. his face completely lit up! :] he was telling me what kind of lighting i should use, what aperture to set the camera at and what ISO to use and i was just like O_O. haha
as for my friends, i'm really glad that they're supporting me in this. at school, i'm known as "that girl with the camera" since for the most part, i take pictures of a lot of the school events. my best friend S always yelled at me for not taking photography seriously and said that it was "a waste of your talent." we'd get into fights about this ALOT. i've always had this mentality of "photography is really risky, and i probably won't make a lot of money with it." yes, i am guilty of being a money whore. i'm sorry, but i really just LOVE money. xD but maybe this is a chance to get exposed to the artistic world...maybe i can utilize this chance to "put myself out there" without really feeling the negative consequences of the lack of income since it's not what my real profession will be in the future...possibly.
i shouldn't get so excited about this though. i mean, she might not even like the pictures i take. so, right now, i guess all i can do is hope and pray that i do a good job today. i'll try not to have high expectations.
here's one of my favorite pictures i took at grounds for sculpture right outside of princeton:
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| so. it's been two years since i wrote on this thing. i'm a terrible blogger, as you can tell.
well, here's a quick synopsis of what's been going on lately
- i'm a junior at MSR
- friends have changed, oh man have they changed. xD
- i have 3 best friends, steph, angela, and mat. :D
- i have a boyfriend whom i loveee
- school (mainly AP chem) has taken over my life
- this year i think i've cried more than i've ever cried my whole life
- i've decided i'm taking up accounting when i get to college
- i am no longer a "crackhead" according to angela
- i have short hair now, like super short.
- family issues are kinda wack.
- i want to go to college like right now
- i've neglected my friends, but i hope they can put up with me
- junior year sucks
- i miss being a freshman
- i just want out :D
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| it's nice...i guess. except for the fact that i'm sick and all, but i can get over that.
i feel like i've wasted so many days. i haven't really been doing anything along the lines of socializing and doing work. yeah, i've been acting like a hermit crab hiding in the shadows of my room reading. XD the book i read was an amazing one, it is entitled twilight by stephenie meyer. it reminds me of romeo and juliet, only, "romeo" in this novel would be a vampire :]
so, my sister went back to scranton. now it's even more boring. these are the days when i wish i had school; however, i hate that when i get tired of school, i always want a break. and when the break comes, it's way too short. i'm so fickle in what i want. :] honestly, i think i just need something to do, but i'm too lazy to actually do homework.
ah well.
i just did this to pass some time. :]
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